It is my understanding that today marks the birthday of the human known as “Lily”, sister and companion to my insipid pot-waterer, Kit.
Well, hoo-ray for you, human. You have cheated your inevitable demise for another year. Yes, congrats, another year of sloping-browed, knuckle-dragging, drool-faced mediocrity and despair. Another year of soggy toaster waffles and pretending you are mistress of your own doom. Hurrah.
Know this, human, whilst you engage in jocularity and celebration, fall to your knees and thank your oblivious deity for another year free of the wrath of Mordak, your lord and conqueror, Mordak, who will destroy all and play his tiny piccolo as your Rome burns. Mordak, who is coming for you, yes you, “Lily”, even on this most joyous anniversary of your expulsion into this cold and moronic world, I am plotting your doom.
Felicitations, future slave. Slap your hands together with joy for another year of borrowed time.
mordak ur birthdae card ar nevr eny gud. maybe yu shud just buy wun next time.
happee birthdae, lily! my bruthr is just a lil grumpers.